Influencing with Integrity Blog

A 10 Year Old Tries the" Erase Anxiety With Your Big Toe"

2011-10-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

This account is from someone I have never met, who has read "Influenncing with Integrity" and has been in internet contact with me. The account is writtten by a Corporate Manager about his grand-daughter who is having behavioral problems.

Genie,
I followed your script as closely as I could.

First, we had a session together at the nearby mall where I bought her a book I promised she could have, which she picked out and I approved. On the way back I told her that I am learning about how the brain works and that I had learned the brain has two parts. When I told her that the right brain helps us be creative with music, art, etc. and helps us be happy, her interest picked up, and she said she was interested in learning how the right brain can be used.

In a quiet, undisturbed room, I led her through the “big toe exercise” you described. Being mindful that at least 90 seconds are needed, I extended the exercise to almost three minutes. At the end, I asked how she felt. She replied “different,” so I asked “How different?” She said she felt calm and relaxed but that her brain was tingling. I asked whether it was the whole brain or just one side, and she relied “the left brain.” I asked about other sensory differences (in 10-year old language as best I could), but she replied that she had feelings but couldn’t describe them. Finally, she said, “I feel like a different person.”

I invited her to practice on herself to strengthen her skill, but she demurred, and I didn’t pursue. Then, I told her the right brain has no fear and that the exercise will also help her whenever she’s feeling frightened or worried about something. She expressed interest in a nonverbal way. Then she snuggled up to me for a while on the sofa where I was sitting.

While my son and she were leaving to drive back to their home, I reminded her that the “big toe exercise” was always available to help her be creative or deal with a worry or scary situation, and she nodded affirmatively. During the interlude between the exercise and the leaving, she seemed to be very calm, but I might be projecting what I wanted to observe.

Genie, thanks ever so much for your kind, generous help!!!

Switch Brains for joy, peace, bliss, connection, and creativity

2011-08-26T16:53:00.000-07:00

Who knew that fear only arises in your Left Brain? That new information has so much application to the current fear level in our world. By switching over to the use of your Right Brain, just for 90 seconds, all of a sudden your body is full of feelings of peace and even joy. How do you switch?

Put your attention in your big toe, and then keep your attention inside your body for 90 seonds, which gives all your old fear time to drain out. Then solve some problem with a creative solution. The Right Brain is very good at finding just the right answer to an old problem.

Do you believe me?

Try it, and let me know what happens. Abot 150 people have reported to me that it works.

The Line Between Manipulation/Hypnosis and Influencing

2011-07-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

This is in answer to someone who is advertising Hypnosis as a Communication Strategy:

Have you looked up the meaning of manipulation in a dictionary? I will save

you some time. Here it is: "To influence or manage shrewdly or deviously:
To tamper with or falsify for personal gain."
Even if you think you are being "shrewd" with hypnosis, there is still that
element of deviousness and falsifying for personal gain. That is the part
of the use of hypnosis/manipulation/NLP that we all pay dearly for in the
business and personal marketplace. I have had three giant corporate verbal
contracts cancelled because someone higher up than our client found out our
seminars contained NLP. These cancel-ers knew enough about the reputation
of NLP to not want NLP inside their business. Who? Bell Northern
Research, Eastman Kodak and at first, IBM. I finally managed to re-sell 2 of the 3.

IBM was a close call. The executive who finally approved our contract which
lasted 19 years had written a letter to all training departments in IBM
over his signature saying that any seminar with NLP elements was to be
cancelled immediately. In response to this letter, my IBM person made an
appointment for me to meet with this executive, who was HR Director of
IBM. This sale was definitely a test of my skills. I did not use hypnosis
nor manipulation to change his mind.

If I understand you correctly, you are saying that hypnosis is simply a protocol for "how you perceive". This  would be hard to defend or even impossible to defend. Here is the definition of
hypnosis: " artificially induced sleep-like condition in which an individual
is EXTREMELY RESPONSIVE to suggestions made by the hypnotist." Using
hypnosis in communication is manipulation, and that's how NLP acquired its
bad reputation. People either love NLP or hate it. No middle ground. A large number of us are using NLP for positive changes in beliefs and behaviors. I would like to teach you to be one of these good behavior advocates for these powerful skills.

My position on this is that by being skillful in rapport, outcome setting,
clear communication and using honesty, integrity, and straightforward talk,
you do not need hypnosis. Anyone who falls back on hypnosis is a
manipulator and is harming me and my business because his/her actions
affect me. All those who have signed up for the group, NLP with Integrity,
seem to agree with me. We are all trying to clean up the manipulators'
acts.

We all affect those we communicate with more than we know.
You do not need hypnosis in communication. You really only need the ability
to dovetail. This works every time.

I hope that you recognize hypnosis is not a protocol
for perception. It is a protocol for the hypnotist to impose his will on
the receiver. Erickson was doing therapy at his patients request; that is
not manipulation. Hypnosis is great for therapy. I assisted John Grinder
in teaching hypnosis to 60 therapists. It is definitely useful for
therapeutic interactions when all agree on its use. Manipulation is not
helping a child achieve his/her goal. That's a kind deed. Manipulation is
using the NLP strategies without regard for what the other person wants.

To end on a better note and maybe give you a chuckle:

                                            CHANGE THE WORLD

                         I've joined all these net groups who want to change the world

                         None of us want to change ourselves. Inconceivable!

                         We seem to have a chip embedded, before we're born

                         To shape others to our template, before we adjourn.

The best use of the NLP skills is on ourselves. Then our "template" is worth teaching to someone else.

What is Anxiety?

2011-07-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

Anxiety is a lesser form of fear. Anxiety and fear are both natural processes that occur when you are using your own Left Brain. Your Left Brain is designed to keep you safe so an intregal part of the Left Brain's computations is the ability to feel fear.

What if you are safe? Is anxiety serving you then? Of course not. So as soon as you feel anxious, check to be sure you are safe, then switch your attention to your Right Brain. Your Right Brain can produce joy, bliss, contentment, love, and a few other pleasurable states, but it does not DO fear, nor anxiety.

How do you switch brains? Put your attention inside your body and keep it there for 90 seconds. This gives all your fear time to drain out. Then check to see what your emotional state is. Do not believe me. Check this out for yourself. Over time, you can learn to balance the use of both your brains. At first, you may need to deliberately switch. Try it. It's fun.

You've been carrying your Right Brain around all your life. It's time you learned to use it. Erase anxiety. Anxiety is usually not useful.

Decrease Anxiety, Increase Energy & Enjoy Your Life

2011-07-08T16:22:00.001-07:00

Anxiety seems to be on the rise. I read the New York Times each morning and it is full of news that could turn on the Anxiety spigot for any sane person. If I start feeling anxious about the economy, the national debt, the supposedly murder of Caylee (which turned out not to be so), the unidentified bodies found in the marsh on Long Island, the uprisings in North Africa, the greed of Wall Street, Madoff's deceptions, the Texas executions that later DNA analysis found to be incorrect, the tornedos, the hurricanes, gangs in San Jose, I deliberately put my attention in my big toe and keep my attention inside my body, checking out various organs for 90 seconds.

Then I am off to the office to enjoy my day.

i recognize that this behavior sounds sourt of weird, but I cannot fix any of those natural and un-natural catastrophes. I can spend my day feeling great, and do a few small things to improve other people's lives. But first, my own life needs to be working, my energy flowing, without anxiety. Try switching your attention to your big toe. This works.

TEN STRATEGIES FOR USING THE ABILITIES OF THE RIGHT BRAIN

2011-04-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Mind and matter are two parallel streams of development arising from a common ground beyond both. There is an implicate order and there is an infinite sea of energy, and this unfolds to form space, time, and matter.

David Bohm, physicist

1. WHIRLING DERVISH ENTRANCE DANCE
Open the door to the Right Brain in a centuries old physical movement. Do not do this at your office unless your door is locked.

Do you remember as a child how you would spin around and around and then maybe fall to the ground? That is what the whirling dervishes do to open the Right Brain.

The Mystic Gurdjieff used this at his Institute outside Paris to do the same thing. This is the physical way to discover how your right Brain processes information. Music helps if this is available, but not absolutely necessary.

If you have a complex problem, you might want to spend a few minutes whirling around, then lie down and spend another ten minutes noticing what is going on in your mental computations.

Keep a notebook to record any information. Especially the data that does not make logical sense. You ,may find a metaphorical solution to your central complex problem.

2. ASKING YOUR BODY TO FIND THE ANSWER

Once you have formulated the question, then find a quiet spot and ask the question to each part of your body. Keep a pen and paper nearby to jot down the answers. Start with the right foot, then left, then one leg, then the other leg, then one knee, etc. Write down the answers in a column. When completed check the entire list for useful insights. This exercise breaks the hold on your decision making that your Left Brain has acquired through the years.

3. HYPNOGOGIC SOLUTION

Tonight, when you are half awake and half asleep, give a creative task to your Right Brain to solve while you are sleeping. Remind your right Brain to give you the answer by 9 am the next morning and to give you a good nights sleep now.

4. TRY THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH
As long as the unvarnished truth is not endangering anyone else, use it.

5. FIRST LOVE ENERGY
If you are feeling slightly under the weather, just say out loud, “think about my First Love” then take a moment to do so. If you have any negative memories around this thought, edit them out. Only positive memories are allowed. Notice the chemical change in your body as positive thoughts take over

6. TELL A SECRET

Tell someone you trust a secret that you have been reluctant for anyone else to know. Disclosure of a secret raises the energy level of trust between you and you will feel your own energetic response as the energy you have been using to hide this is released. How about a fear you once had, but no longer have? Do not tell a secret that will harm you or anyone if it is known. Here is a safe example of an old fear that has lots of psychological implications. For example, “When we studied Pompeii in school, I used to dream about volcanic eruptions. There would be hot lava creeping up to my feet. What do you think about this?”

7. CREATE A PLEASURE DAY FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE
Tell the other in advance that you want to create a perfect day for them. Ask for their input as to what they want on this day? Get plenty of details then you embellish these.
Notice how you feel as you show someone how much you care. See that you enjoy the day as well.

8. HEART INFORMATION

When you have to make a decision during your day, check out the information from your heart before voicing the decision. Heart information is often different than Left Brain logical data. Use both for balancing the Left and Right Brains.

9. USE DRAWINGS TO SET YOUR OUTCOME EACH MORNING

The Right Brain loves images. Images trigger the Right Brain. What is interesting about how the brain works is that if it knows what you want, it will search all available data to code what will help you gain your goal. So if you give the Right Brain an image of what you want, the Right Brain’s natural processing will become your best assistant. Buy a set of pastels and a drawing tablet. Keep them in a drawer so no one asks questions. Each morning draw an image that signifies to you what you hope to accomplish that day. You will be amazed at the results.

10. TEACH ONE OF THESE TO SOMEONE ELSE

When you teach a mental strategy to someone else, you learn a lot. Notice how your comprehension and understanding of a concept deepens as you transfer it . Enjoy your teaching role.

Right Brain Breakthrough for Balance

2011-03-10T14:02:00.000-08:00

To my mind, this information should change the world overnight, but few believe this. However, the potential is certainly there. Hypnosis, meditation, guided imagery, creative problem solving, abrupt emotional shifts, and even, hands on healing are all simply skills or attributes of your very own Right Brain.

How do you tap into this magical instrument? Put your attention in your big toe! This gets your awareness into your body which means you are present in the moment. Then you can move your attention to different parts of your body for 90 seconds and all tension, anxiety, fear will have evaporated, leaving you calm and peaceful. Or maybe you will feel curious (if you must understand the shift) because you cannot believe the powerful effect of simply switching brains.

There is no fear in the Right Brain. The Left Brain is designed to keep you safe so is full of fear. Being in the NOW is the key to using the Right Brain. The simplest and easiest to execute move is focusing on your body; however, simply looking at the world around you also brings you to the present. Most people seem to find the big toe helpful though some use their thumb.

Jill Bolte Taylor, the neuroanatomist, states that 91% are Left Brain dominate, so there is a large audience for this information.

I have used this to stop a child from pulling out her hair (a 12 inch circle of bald spot on the top of her head showed how good she was at this.) Fear and tension were the causes of the hair pulling. I have taught this to more than 100 people and they all say it works, but they forget to use it. One smoker has pretty much stopped by switching brains, though she says smoking no longer interests her, she still lights up now and then. She says she is an obsessive type, and that explains her inability to totally stop.

My theory on smoking is that most people smoke to stop negative feelings. Negative feelings are usually based on fear, so by removing the fear, the whole process could be stopped. I may be right and I may be wrong. The jury is still out.

Conflicts and wars come from fear, so if everyone used their Right Brain as much as their Left, we could cut back on these. Maybe?

I have taught hypno-therapy, gestalt psychology, hands-on-healing, NLP, meditation, and it was a shock for me to discover that each one was dependent on the ability to switch brains from the Linear Left Brain computation to the Collage-based Right Brain computation. Anyone can do it.

The experience of Jill Taylor when she had her Left Brain stroke is the basis of this information. The implications are still unfolding. Thanks for listening. Regards, Genie

Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D.
www.influence-integrity.com
650-322-2799

Conflict Ahead! Caution!

2011-03-06T14:18:00.000-08:00

The most important idea to keep in mind in order to settle and even WIN a conflict is

RAPPORT IS THE GLUE IN HUMAN RELATIONS.

WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO NOT KNOW IS THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE THE OTHER PERSON IN THE CONFLICT TO REACH RAPPORT AND A SATISFACTORY CONCLUSION.

There are levels of rapport, and even a small amount of rapport can get you past the conflict. How do you get a small level of rapport? Listen while the other party or parties state their position. Listening is the magic ingredient in communication. Ask the other person, "What would you like to see (hear) happen in order to settle this to your complete saisfaction?" Then, LISTEN. This may not be easy, but neither is living with conflict. If you say, "Tell me more." now and then, eventually they will stop talking and you will discover that rapport has slide into the interaction.

Wlhat One Person Can Do To Support Democracy in Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, etc.

2011-02-28T13:01:00.000-08:00

For the last few weeks, I grab the newspaper each morning to see the latest drama unfold. I find I hold my breath until the headline is completed. Why don't I check my computer news? I prefer the newspaper..this gives away my age, I guess.

I want to help all those protesters who are willing to die for democracy. But I am not much of a joiner, and I do not hold an exalted position in government. Then a principle of physics suddenly popped into my mind. Along with Carl Jung's Collective Unconscious. If a butterfly in Alaska affects the South American rain forest, and all of us are part of the collective unconscious, all I have to do is remember to send my "wish for success" thoughts to the protesters whenever this comes to mind.

After thinking this over, I got the idea that my behavior every day affects the power of this delivery, so I reminded myself to honor each person I meet all day every day. It seems clear to me that being respectful to each and every human being in my life will enhance the delivery of my "success" message to the protesters.
Maybe this is carrying physics and Carl Jung too far, but I don't think so. I am doing it. I have been doing this for weeks, without being aware that it would do any good. But something is working. This entire scenario is close to a miracle. Join me?

15 Strategies to turn Obnoxious People into Fans

2011-01-19T14:55:00.001-08:00

A most important item turned up during the video cast on this subject: the idea that you can use these on yourself as well as on others.1. Remember, this is their movie
2. "You Are Not the Target" A great book that illuminates this idea 3. Similiar emotional experiences are stored in the brain near each other. A similar emotion will trigger the past experiences so the present becomes the sum of the past. 4. Become a mirror of the other ("I can see you are upset. Want to talk about it?") 5. Ask for information 6. If they say "No", you can change the subject or exit 7. If they want to talk about what is going on with them, line your body up next to theirs and put the problem out in front of you so you can work on the problem together.8. Magic phrase: "Tell me more."9. Listen and watch for patterns 10. Breathe with their speaking rhythm 11. Are they VA or K? 12."What do you want now?"13, As if......14. The big toe move. 15. Buy "103 Ways To Tap Your Right Brain".

Influencing skills

2009-10-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

All of us are confronted with moments when we need to convince someone else that our point of view is valid. They do not necessarily have to see the entire picture as we do, but they need enough information about our position on this to join us in some endeavor. This can happen in relationships at the office or outside the office.

Certain strategies work better than others. If you have often used yelling or pouting or stomping your foot to get your way, this may not work. Especially if the difference in opinion is with your boss. These 2 year old behaviors can get you "downsized".

Here are tried and tested behaviors that can influence:

Step 1: Listen carefully to the other's position. As you listen, notice places in the other's discourse where you do agree. (You can use these later.)
Step 2: Match the breathing rate of the other person. You are literally and figuratively getting on their wave length. Tip: The rhythm and pacing of their words will indicate their breathing rate as well as the edge of their shoulder outlined against a contrasting back ground.
Step 3: Pay attention to the verbs used by the other that reflect their favorite perceptual system. Example "I see what you mean" or " That doesn't sound feasible." or "I feel this is the best answer." Repeat these sensory ( connected to the see, hear, and feel senses) words in stating your position. This is quick way to achieve rapport.
Step 4: Come up with a big goal that you both can agree on. For example, "We both want our division to win this contest." Or, " I know we both want to keep the good parts of this relationship."
Step 5: Do not make the other person wrong. Once you have suceeded in this, rapport goes, and without rapport, there will be no mutual agreement.
Step 6: Recall a past situation where the two of you worked together with success, if you have one of these memories. Mention this easily and concisely. Don't dwell on it. Just bring it up quickly. The rapport from the past may influence the rapport of the moment.
Step 7: If you are stuck in conflict, go for a walk, for coffee, or do something to change both of your body postures.
Step 8: If, after 10 minutes you have not determined a joint outcome, ask the other to tell you more about what they want in this particular situation. Listen carefully, and begin again.
Step 9: If you can find a solution that gains the outcomes of both parties, then you are a master negotiator and can enjoy the art of influencing.
Step 10: If you are still having trouble finding a creative solution, focus on the present moment for 90 seconds ( Right Brain access and computing) and notice what creative ideas surface for you. Cover this creative thinking time-out by saying something like, "You have some very interesting points I had not considered, now let me think about this for a moment."

Change Your Life - Take A Risk

2009-09-02T09:45:00.001-07:00

Please Join Us On Wednesday September 2:
How to Change Your Life
Take Risks
What is your tendency for risk? Are you a risk taker or are you risk avoidant? Where do you lie on the risk scale? What is a healthy balance of risk?

Join Genie and her panel at 11am (Pacific) on Wednesday

http://www.conferrooms.com/rooms/GenieLaborde.aspx

Join Genie and her panel this Wednesday to discuss:

How taking risk(s) can change the direction of your life

Define "risk" in a life-changing context

When and how to take a risk

How to measure and realize the benefits of risk

Practice taking risk and report results (net change) at successive sessions

Next VideoCast:

2009-08-21T14:45:00.000-07:00

Fix Any Glitch In Your Behavior

Anger
Sadness
Avoidance
Rage
Tension
Obsession
Anxiety
Tardiness
Procrastination
Rudeness
Mean-ness
Short temper

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

11am Pacific

We’ll use NLP, Gestalt Psychology, and new Right Brain insights to re-work your habitual responses to outside stimuli. Often these old patterns began at such an early age that you cannot remember the precipitating event. When these habits become a problem for you, it is time to re-wire your brain. What’s interesting is that many of these bad habits are simply a laid down neurological response to fear or anxiety. New positive habits are fairly easy to install to replace the ones that are no longer useful to you. The installation seems like magic but actually, the new habit is simply re-wiring your dendrites. My trainers call the process “Dendridic Popcorn,”
Join us for a Liberating one-hour session It’s more fun than the movies.

FREE Interactive Video-Cast
with Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D.
Each Wednesday
11am (Pacific)
(12pm Mountain, 1pm Central, 2pm Eastern)

Email us to sign up.

We’ll email you a link to the online Conference Room on Wednesday morning before the conference begins.

Shift Your Recession Depression

2009-07-17T12:53:00.001-07:00

2 More Preview Sessions Added:

SHIFT
YOUR RECESSION DEPRESSION
at your computer

Free Preview

Tuesday, July 28

or Thursday, July 30
11am to noon

“Are your worried?” “Are you feeling anxiety?” “Having a difficult time handling your emotions?”

Then this session is for you!

What this is:

Introduction to 8 weeks of Conferrooms
(meetings on the net)

Support group

Led by

Genie Z. Laborde, Ph. D.

(Author & Psychologist)

& Sheila Dubrow, M.A., CPIM

(Organizational Psychologist)

email us at mail@influence-integrity.com to sign up for the FREE Preview

Think Big! FREE VideoCast April 22

2009-04-21T14:28:00.001-07:00

Think Big!

FREE Video-Cast

with Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D.

DATE: Wednesday
April 22, 2009

TIME: 11am Pacific
(12pm Mountain, 1pm Central, 2pm Eastern)

Email us to sign up. We'll email you the link to the Conference Room on Wednesday Morning.

Inspire Yourself with a New Story for These Stressful Times

2009-04-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

How to Change Your Internal Tapes

FREE Video-Cast

with Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D.

DATE: Wednesday
April 15, 2009

TIME: 11am Pacific
(12pm Mountain, 1pm Central, 2pm Eastern)

Most, maybe all of us, create an on-going story of our life's experiences. These could be called our own "Personal Myths." These stories add the "why's" and "how's" of what goes on in our collective and separate lives. Our moment to moment perceptions are coded in our brains, then we assign meanings based on these myths. What we tell ourselves about our see, hear, smell, taste, and feel data, dictates our reality. We create a reality that reflects and reinforces our stories.

You can change your myth. You can edit certain passages. We will demonstrate with our audience. It is a fascinating way to let go of anxiety now.

Email us to sign up.

We'll email you a link to the online Conference Room on Wednesday morning before the conference begins.

Turn Off Painful Memories

2009-04-06T12:42:00.001-07:00

FREE Video-Cast

with Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D.

DATE: Wednesday
April 8, 2009

TIME: 11am Pacific
(12pm Mountain, 1pm Central, 2pm Eastern)

NeuroScientists have just published their discovery of PKM zeta, the molecules in the brain that control memory. Called "quick dial function" molecules, these can be turned off by an injection of ZIP, right into the brain. They tested this on rats, but humans are on the future schedule.

If the idea of a shot of ZIP into your brain doesn't ring your bell, join us on Wednesday and I will show you how to do this memory erasing with the "Magic in Your Own Brain."

Email us to sign up.

We'll email you a link to the online Conference Room on Wednesday morning before the conference begins.

IDEA Trainer Gives Her Insider’s Vew of the AIG Bonus Question

2009-03-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

I have been following the AIG story very closely, having worked in financial services for 36 years and also having many friends who currently work at AIG. This is my opinion about this very unfortunate situation.
First, this crisis at AIG was caused by its Financial Services Division. AIG is comprised of literally hundreds of divisions, most of them focused on the insurance business and are highly profitable and very strong. The Financial Services Division is only a very small part of AIG. Unfortunately, this division sold two highly risky products: Credit Default Swaps and Securities Lending. Both of these products were adversely impacted by the melt down of the mortgage industry.
What brought AIG down was this one unit that did financial services business, much like an investment bank. This business was not well controlled, either by the company or by the U.S. Government through strong regulation, and got in way over their heads insuring the collateralized mortgage obligations of many other banks all over the world….that was the credit default swap business…and when the mortgage bubble burst, AIG was caught holding the bag.
A Credit Default Swap is like an insurance policy bought by other financial institutions to insure against losses from deals they engage in. The Credit Default Swaps that AIG sold were protecting other banks like UBS and Barclay’s against credit losses from collateralized debt obligations supported by mortgages.
Securities Lending is when securities are lent to third parties and collateralized by, in the case of AIG, residential mortgage backed securities. Again, when the mortgage industry melted down, AIG was obligated to make good on these transactions, and was caught holding the bag. But this probably helped prevent many banks from failing, which would have brought down the entire financial system around the world.
I believe that it is true that if AIG had been allowed to fail it would have had a catastrophic impact on the world economy. They insure every aspect of international commerce as well as individual life, auto, home and other insurance policies and retirement annuities all over the world. They employ hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
AIG is being held up in the glare of politics and media attention as being a villian. In fact, there are many good, decent and highly competent people working at AIG today, many of whom have worked there all their working lives and have lost a lot of what they were counting on for their retirement and many of them will be losing their jobs with little hope of recovering their retirement nest eggs. This is an enormous tragedy.
I understand the outrage being expressed over the bonuses, and those who are responsible for the debacle probably should not have been given the bonuses, but let us not forget that there are many, many others who have worked very hard to earn these bonuses and deserve them. And, they will pay hefty income taxes on this money. And this money will be spent and will be part of the economic stimulus so badly needed by our country and all over the world.
Let’s remember “Maps of Reality” and that we are all connected in one way or another. It doesn’t do any good to kick people when they are down and the same goes for the good people of AIG.

Carol Colone is an Influencing wih Integrity certified trainer and a retired Human Resources Business Partner, JPMorgan Chase.

Genie's Magic Lamp: Erase Non-Useful Fears

2009-03-09T12:02:00.001-07:00

Fear is the hidden bandit behind the present economic crisis. If most of us were not walking around apprehensive about the financial situation then business could return to normal and we could get on with our lives. This kind of nagging fear saps our energy, stunts our creativity, and stops us from taking even small risks.

There is no fear in your Right Brain so if you check out your fear by subjecting it to Right Brain scrutiny, it shrinks.

You can shrink fear right out of existence by using the awareness of fear as a trigger to turn the Right Brain on.

How?

1. Awareness of fear: look it over carefully
2. Look around you and notice three objects, in succession
3. Check out three separate body sensations
4. View the fear again. Note the shrinkage.

If you teach this intervention named Genie’s Magic Lamp
to 5 people and ask them to teach it to 5 more people, we could solve the financial crisis within four weeks.

Resist Hypnosis and Hypnotic Conversations

2008-04-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

You probably will, anyway, if you recognize what is going on. Well, that’s the catch. If someone is really good at this, you may not recognize the technique.

You may find yourself owning something you really did not want. Or even, in bed with someone you are not attracted to. I just saw this goal advertised on a web site for “Hypnotic Conversation”.

While there is something intrinsically suspect about the word, hypnosis, and even frightening about giving in to it, still, you must “wake up” to what is going on in order to protect yourself. Here are six of the most commonly used techniques in conversational hypnosis. After presenting them, you will learn how to interrupt their inevitability.

Technique 1. A STORY INSIDE A STORY INSIDE A STORY
Here’s an example:
When I was a young boy in Serbia (or Honduras or Tokyo), I used to visit my grandfather during the summer. (Story 1)
Now, he was the fifth son of a fifth son and as a result, he could cure sick cattle or so his neighbors thought. So they would bring their cattle to the front door of his thatched hut. (Story 2)
One day, on my fourth visit, he put one of his hands on my
shoulder, pointed to a trembling calf, and said,” You look quite sick, little calf.” This word, “sick,” is emphasized in tone). The story continues….. (story 3)

This may be hard for you to believe, but at this point you will probably begin to feel not-so-great. This experience happened to me and three friends in response to the words of a gifted hypnotist who was unhappy with our criticism. This technique works. Beware of Nested Stories.

Technique 2 MENTAL CONFUSION
The mental state of confusion can be induced in many ways. But once you are there, the state is so uncomfortable that most of us will accept an outside suggestion if it seems plausible to end the confused state. A suggestion on the part of the hypnotist to, “Buy this now”, may be all that is needed for you to pull out your credit card.

Technique 3. PATTERN INTERRUPT
This is similar to the above technique but has a few added bells and whistles to make it even more effective. The confused ,mental state is a natural response of the brain to having a comfortable pattern of behavior interrupted unexpectedly. If you are in the middle of holding out your hand for a handshake and the other person suddenly withdraws his/her hand, you are experiencing a pattern interrupt and an even more up setting confusion which leaves you vulnerable to an outside suggestion. You may even experience an entire re-organization of some of your

deeply held beliefs. It’s as if the brain went through a “Fruit Basket Turn-over”, a verbal directive in a children’s game in which everyone must switch chairs fast so that nothing remains the same. If a skillful salesman can elicit this deep level of complete confusion, you become putty to his suggestions. Milton Eriksson used this technique for his therapy patients, and that’s a good way to help people change their behaviors in a positive manner. In the hands of a manipulative salesman, this is a lethal weapon. Beware of Pattern Interrupts in the Wrong Hands.

Technique 4. ANY ALTERED STATE
An altered state is any mental state that you do not enter on a regular basis. If you are high strung and often tense, then a relaxed state would be an altered state for you. Or vice-versa. Have you ever noticed that when you are half-asleep and your partner wants your pillow, you will probably hand it over?

Technique 5 YOUR LEAST USED SENSE
This is a variation on technique 4, but so easy to use that you should know about it.
If you prefer visual stimuli for your memories, you are usually in a visual collecting state. You spend most of your time noticing the sights, colors, shapes, and people’s faces, around you. You code your reality in photographs. If the hypnotist knows you are a visual person and can move you into an auditory state by say, taking you to a concert, you may go into an altered state. In an auditory state, you will find it much easier to go along with outside suggestions than if you are in your usual visual state. You may end up owning a saxophone. Remember The Music Man. He was an expert hypnotist.

Or, the salesman could ask you a feeling question, such as, “How do you feel about Obama being elected president?” In order to answer this question, you might move into your feelings, which would be an altered state for you. You are now vulnerable to any suggestion from outside . Especially if the salesperson has already established rapport, and you do not sense any danger. As you struggle to find data within an unfamiliar sense to answer his question, you may discover a “Yes”, when ordinarily you would say,” No.” This technique is coercion and manipulative. Beware.

Technique 6. THREE YESES IN A ROW
I once refused to certify a corporate trainer because I could not convince him this was manipulative. He had used it successfully for years as a sales person and felt he could not live without it.

The sales person asks the client three questions with obvious “Yes” answers.
“Great weather we’re having, isn’t it?”.
“Wasn’t that wonderful news that our team won?”
“ Did you have a good year?”
Then the fourth question is the close,” Will you sign here?” They usually will. Three affirmative answers seem to put you in a “Yes!” state of mind, which is an altered state, and one that will not allow you to use your usual judgment. This is taking-advantage-of, coercive, , and deceitful. Do not use this.
So now, you know how to recognize “hypnotic conversation”. What do you do, once you recognize this?
1. You can simply turn around and walk away.
2. You can say, “You are using hypnotic techniques on me. I was interested in your product, until you did this. Not a good idea.”
3. You can say, “Where did you learn to use hypnotic techniques?”
4. You can say, “Is your product so bad that you have to use hypnosis to sell it?”. Maybe you should find a better product.
5. Be creative. Do what you can to stop this destructive behavior.

Hypnosis is so easy to use, and such a bad idea. I recommend you join me in stamping out this verbal virus. If you are willing to find out what your client wants or needs, and fill the need, if you can, while keeping in mind your own outcome, then you do not need hypnotic conversations.

You could teach the hypnotist the magic of MYOUR. This is a technique that works. First, you know what your outcome is, then you find out the other person’s outcome, then you work out ways you can both attain what you want. My outcome, Your outcome, Our outcome (MYOUR) works much better as a technique than Nested Stories, Confusion, Pattern Interrupts, Altered States, Least Used Sense, or Three Yeses In A Row. You sleep better at night, you do not live in fear of being “defrocked”, “exposed”, “uncovered”, and you make money. MYOUR is magical, not manipulative.

Older & Wiser Than Yesterday: birthday gift story

2008-03-07T17:07:00.000-08:00

Older & Wiser Than Yesterday: birthday gift story

I totally recommend this blog to anyone who enjoys original thinking and good writing. What a pleasure you are, Elliot. I've seem you from a distance at the Media Center, heard your presentations, and wished I had you on my team for our relationship social networking endeavor. We are seeking to improve relationships around the globe by using the attributes of the internet. And teaching skills. We need all the help we can get.

Truth Is an Energy.

2008-03-06T12:53:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite quotes is "Truth is an energy". Now I've forgotten where I first read this. It has become a part of my belief system. Because I wrote a book called "Influencing with Integrity", I attract a lot of people with this kind of energy. This is lucky for me, because I function best in that kind of space.

Another strange belief I have is that people lie because of fear and ignorance. The more people skills you have, the less need you have to lie and the easier it is to be truthful, honest, and straight-forward. Transparent, if you will. If you feel safe and competent, the truth just plain feels better in your body. This, your wife seems to know.

My blog has not attracted many comments which makes your's especially appreciated. If you would like to check out whether Negotiation Skills improve your transparency, join us for a three day seminar March 25-27. Bring your wife? I will extend two scholarships to you. (Value $2800.00) You might want to look over our web site which lists our clients. These include IBM, Chase Bank, Dell, AT&T, HP, Intel, Wells Fargo, SBC, and about 75 other corporations.

During the seminar, if you come, I will tell you the story of the time I hired a crook as a Sales Manager. He was the slickest con artist you have ever encountered, and what confused me was that he had very high energy. He also lied when the truth would have worked better. He lost two of our major clients with the lying. Of course. Truth makes money. Lying loses money. I had always thought you had to be honest to have that kind of high energy. I think his energy secret was that he loved deceiving others,. This gave him a sense of superiority that fueled his enthusiasm. This experience taught me a lot about con artists, but did not help the bottom line of my corporation. It was an expensive lesson.

I've been training corporate America for 25 years, and find that most people prefer the truth. Both telling and hearing it. See you March 25? thanks again, Genie

New web site and corporation is movin' right along

2007-10-16T16:20:00.000-07:00

I am so impatient and consistently think that projects can move faster than they do. My dream of having Communication Coaches with their own video enhanced web site, in conjunction with our site, has taken a lot longer than I thought it would. We've had some great adventures along the way, however.

Mike Rossi introduced Mike Hulme and me to Hal Nissley who is the greatest net-worker in the world. He is also one of the founders of the Band of Angels and several other organizations that are flourishing here. Hal knows many many movers and shakers in Silicon Valley. He loves attending big gatherings ( three a day is possible here!) and can remember all the attendees names, their wive's names, where they went to shcool, how many jobs they've had, and the names of all their children. He has introduced us to more people than we believed possible. His expertise is Early Stage Boards. He led us to Bill Cleary, CEO, and to Patrick O'Reilly, Founder of Matchmaker, both of whom have helped us with our new corporation. It will happen.

I am teaching an Influencing with Integrity seminar for Stanford University students and for students of The University of Singapore who are also students in Stanford's Global Entrepreneurship Program. The Singapore government selected the best and brightest of their young people and treated them to a year in California at Stanford. What a pleasure it is to watch these 20 plus year olds in class. I'm hoping some of them become Coaches in Communication in Singapore. The world needs these skills.

Relationship Skills Practice Classes Live in California

2007-06-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

On July 10, classes with an emphasis on practicing new skills with other people will begin at the Decathlon Club in Santa Clara. Class time 6:30 to 8:00pm. You do not have to be a member of the club to attend. IDEA's subsiduary company, 2 in sync will be conducting these trainings for one and one half hours for six weeks. Supplemental e learning will be available for all participants.

The skills that will be taught include: 1. Knowing your Perceptual Preference 2. Recognizing the Perceptual Preference of Your Partner 3. Setting Your Outcome and Discovering the Other' s 4. Deletion, Distortion and Generalization as Filters On Your World Views 5. See More, Hear More 6. Rapport Skills 7. Flow States for Relationships.

The number and quality of your relationships affect your health in direct and indirect ways. People with a large number of satisfying relationships live longer and stay healthier than those with none or few. Studies at several Universities shed surprising information about the correlation between health and relaltionships. Come to our classes to improve your skills.

2inSync Schedules Relationship Classes at Decathlon Club in santa Ckara

2007-06-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

For those coaches who are interested in navigating the rocky shoals of relationships, our one and one half hour sessions in Santa Clara, California will explore new strategies, honed in 25 years of classes. If you are geographically too far away, you might consider the 3 Minute Steps which are avaialble at your computer each day. We have some great deals on the e learning. If you do not find one to your liking on our web site, call me. 650-322-2799. We are looking for trainers and we might make you a special arrangement, if you are interested in teaching our seminars as well as your coaching. We pay $1,000.00 a day for our Trainer's presentations. You must be a Certified Trainer to teach for us, of course. To become certified is a long process, but to Facilitate is quick and easy. You can become a Facilitator by completing the e learning and attending a three day live course. We are expaanding our applications for the core disciplines (Gestalt Psychology, Linguistics, and Cybernetics) of our seminars almost every day. With the internet and our list of clients (IBM, Chase Bank, SBC. Sprimt. Dell, Intel, HP, Dow Jones. etc) our opportunities are almost greater than our dreams. We do have fun.....

Conversations on Flow with SBS Broadcastling

2007-06-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

On June 1, a Korean TV crew arrived in Palo Alto to shoot a one hour documentary on Flow Energy in Business. SBS Broadcasting covers news in Europe and Asia. This dociumentary is similar to and a local version of "60 Minutes." Since Flow is one of my favorite subjects, I filled out their shooting schedule with lots of my Board Members and supporters who expereince these Flow states as part of their business day. About 10 of these people sat on a panel in the IDEA board room and discussed their personal experiences with the Flow State. The camera man was busy catching all the comments. Then I demonstrated to the Producer and the Local Coordinator for SBS how to enter this peak performance state by using three VAK triggers. Fast shift. These demos were filmed and the Producer plans to use these in the documentary. I also made arrangement for the TV crew to film Bob Pearson in Washington DC who is a former Assistant Secretary of State and Ambassador. He attended a recent seminar and spends a good bit of time in the Flow state. The documentary will be shown in Korea on June 24. We have been promised DVD copies. Flow may be the Flavor of the Summer. I hope so.

Planting Powerful Seeds

2007-03-15T15:07:00.001-07:00

Cradling her third PH.D
sloshed over the brim with skill
The over-educated Genie
Thought, "I'll spread these, I will!"

We'll change the world, one by one
Just with communication
Skills that influence, but not coerce,
Will prompt each to say, "I won."

If she could teach each to talk,
Instead of pulling out guns to shoot,
And creative thinking
Rapport, listening, to boot.

She knew these worked, tried them all
Gestalt, Linguistics, and Zen
Sprinklings of cybernetics
All mixed to create win-wins.

Skills learned from her PH.D.
Seemed near magical when used;
Calmed anger, increased energy
Mutual agreements wooed.

It was a silly idea
Impossible, she well knew.
There was no web. What to do?
Change the world? She's 5' 2.

She hung out a shingle
then told a few friends.
Amazing! Within 3 months
She was teaching the UN

After three fine sessions there
She realized business
Drove politics so she switched
Dell, American Express.

Chase Bank, IBM, HP
Sprint, Chevron, AT&T
Vanderbilt, Harvard Med
Wells Fargo and SBC

Estee Lauder, Frito Lay
FPL and ITT
Intel, Dow Jones,
Bell South and RIT

Citibank, Nissan, Allstate
Wang, General Dynamics
Sandia Labs, Continental
Coca-Cola, Data Quest

Teepak, United Defense
Pulte Homes, M&M Mars
Gulfstream and JC Penny
Eastman Kodak and Ford cars

Price Waterhouse and ARCO
Bulova, ATEX, Crowley
Century 21 and
Marshall Fields Co. for you see

These skills affect the bottom
Line; business profits soared.
Research proved skills equal profits
Figures could not be ignored

Genie flew to Novasibirsk
The Russians were enthralled
She trained Norwegians, Africans
Mexicans; Genie had a ball.

Taiwanese, Indonesians
Were taught by trainers witty
Genie taught in Holland, Belgium,
France, Johannesburg, Sun City.

Genie's book was translated,
Eight different languages
You might laugh to see her art
In the Japanese pages.

You would think with all of this her
Mission was accomplished
No! People are still killing
So she still kept her wish.

To change the world one by one
Just with communication
Skills that influence but do not coerce
Will prompt each to say, "I won."

Then 5 years ago, fear returned
To the training Departments
Training contracts disappeared
Fears from 9/11 made a dent.

Genie remembered her plan
to change the world one by one
She looked at the world wide web
And then thought, "This will be fun!"

To teach skills that work
Is a worth while endeavor
My 200 trainers may
Not be enough; we'll add more.

The 50,000 we've trained
Are, without a doubt, a good start
The world is waiting on the web
As long as we don't lose heart.

New YouTube Series: Two Minute Tips for Relationships

2007-02-28T16:35:00.000-08:00

Use Our Skills (IWI) and Stay Out of Jail

2007-02-06T12:49:00.000-08:00

Near the front page of the New York Times today were two stories about CEOs going to jail. In the first one, a Japanese judge is allowing the CEO to continue in his job until the appeal is complete. How about that? In the second story, it's an Energy company's CEO who is off on a forced vacation behind bars. My response to both of these news stories was ho-hum, so what else is new? In fact, I am bored with reading about all the people who have not learned that you do not need to cheat to succeed. It's so obvious that if you have the skill of setting up win-wins in all your agreements, that success will come and you won't have to wear stripes. The energy and committment of two parties who have communicated ways to gain their respective outcomes by working together (it's named synergy) create a force much greater than the down swirl of energy that occurs when you lie, cheat or steal. The skills to set up rapport, find out the other party's outcome, and align it with your goal can be properly learned in three days. You can even have fun while you are learning the 120 skills we make obvious. Three days is much shorter than four years incarcerated at government expense. It's so hard to find a job after!

New! New! Communication Coach for Snafus

2007-01-09T16:31:00.000-08:00

Since most relaltionship problems are caused by mis-communication and a great many business problems result from old habits in communication, I've thought of a way to spread the skills of Influencing with Integrity in a wide swath around the globe. Our e learning is so effective that if you will view three minutes of video a day then practice the simple assignment given for that day, in three months you could earn a Communication Coach Certificate. As you practice your insights with your friends and family, you will probably find they come to you more and more often for problem solving of all sorts. Communication skills and strategies do solve many types of mis-understandings. As your reputation grows, you could gradually become a skillful, sought after, Communication Coach. Our blogs and web-sites will collect names of those seeking creative solutions to conflicts, communication mishaps and even business problems, when relationship based. Most business problems are relationship based, of course. CYA, turf wars, team dysfunction, back-stabbing, etc. Having advanced communication skills will give you the edge you need to create long-lasting friends, better relationshipps with your family, and even with your boss. Clients will be delighted to find you. www.influence-integrity.com

Enjoying Difficult/Obnoxious People

2006-12-30T15:58:00.000-08:00

The Teleseminar was such fun that I did two of them close together. The expert said to promote the teleseminar for six months before holding it, but I gave my e mail list a weeks' notice and had a good turnout. I thought I would outline 6 strategies for difficult people, but the list grew to 14 strategies in no time. Some of these strategies are easy and some are difficult, but each one is designed for a specific response on the part of the difficult person. The other benefit from these strategies is that they allow you to try out some new behaviors to find out which ones you like and which ones you will never try again. How will you know unless you try the strategy, at least once? Here are the first five strategies to test out on the difficult people in your life. 1. Cross out and replace JUDGMENT with CURIOUSITY. this changes the energy. 2. "Tell me more!" Each of us has something special. Look for this. 3. "That reminds me of a story...." 4. Select a lovely memory then in your imagination place the difficult person in the mind's eye picture. Notice what happens. 5. Swirl eyes. Make lazy 8's with your eyes as if you are following an infinity curve. Try these strategies and see how they work. I'll give you the other 9 later.

What Happens when Paradigms Clash

2006-12-05T16:34:00.000-08:00

In reading the NLP entries in the Wikipedia, I am reminded of sword fights in the movies-- swish, whack, thrust. There are those who claim it is remarkable, even miraculous and those who claim it's bogus and even evil. Those are belief systems bumping up against either other and making rude sounds. Reminds me of the time I wrote a chapter in "Fine Tune Your Brain" on what seemed to be occuring in the brain when I helped people make changes in their behaviors. I had taken a course on the brain, done lots of reading and watched people carefully when doing the interventions. I was leaving for South Africa to conduct several seminars there and the book was scheduled to go to press as soon as I departed. My husband insisted that I could not print the book without an authority reading the chapter on the brain. I sent it to 2 professors of Neurology at Stanford University. One was on leave and the other was upset by the hypotheses in the chapter. He said that not only was the information incorrect but it would mislead thousands of people and do them great harm because of its bogus position. I literally stopped the presses, and held up the printing until I could return and obtain more expert opinions. I'll finish the story tomorrow.

Research on NLP; We have 27 separate studies in pirnt

2006-12-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

According to the Wikipedia, research on the value and validity of Neuro Linguitic Programming is non-existant. Just shows you that there's still some information available that the majority of people do not know about. When I took my first seminar in NLP, must have been about 1980, I knew immediately that research was needed. Maybe this was because I had just completed a complicated research project for my doctoral degree, and I had research on my mind. Whatever, a few months later, I asked John Grinder if he'd like to help me conduct a study. He said, "That's not necessary. We know it works." That's a paraphrase, not his exact words, but that was his meaning. Basically, that's been the party line all along. We see it do it's magic. Why prove it with lots of paper and statistics. But I couldn't resist. I conducted some studies. At Sprint, 7-11, Nissan. Dell, ATT, ITT Intel, etc.. IBM, SBC, Sprint, Chase Bank conducted thier own studies. These clients conducted their own studies without my knowledge. When we reached 27 in number, I put them together in a book. I think we'll make an e book of it shortly. The pages were on a Apple and it's so old we don't know how to convert the material to our present computers. If you'd like to see a book or an e book, let us know.

A shock for Wednesday morning

2006-11-30T15:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I looked up NLP on the net and found almost a million entries. One of them was written by a skeptic who believes the NLP claims are bogus because he hasn't found any scientific evidence ( with double blind safeguards) that the techniques do what the practioners say they will. This article led me to Wikipedia which in the scientific review section says that no neuroscientist has published verification of the NLP claims. Well, they just didn't read "Fine Tune Your Brain" because there is an entire page of very small type written by Issy Katzeff, M. D., Senior Lecturer of Physiology, Department of Medical Physiology, Witwatersrand University Medical School, Parktown, South Africa and consultant to the South Africa Brain Research Institute. Dr. Katzeff is not only a brain researcher, but he also had been trained in NLP and was enthusiastic about their efficacy. Now, he didn't say all the hype that is on the net about NLP is true. He wrote of specific interventions that I had discussed in the book. He agreed these were powerful. He explians why they work. If you read about the miracles listed on our web site, you might want to keep an open mind....both about miracles and about NLP.

Holidays Require Extraordinary Skills

2006-11-22T12:22:00.000-08:00

i can remember at age 5 being held tightly on a fat woman's lap when I wanted to get down and run free. That same feeling has been known to appear in my body during large family gatherings, such as family reunions, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. How do you maintain a comfortable inner climate when confronted with bigotry, arrogance, male or female chauvinism, rigidity of view-point, etc. by someone with whom you must be polite? The stomach juices bubble as you try to keep your opinions under cover. There is a simple strategy that works wonders for your internal climate. Give up JUDGEMENT and replace it with CURIOUSITY. Ask the irritating member to tell you how this opinion was formed. Then listen carefully, without interrupting. You do not have to agree, but if you listen, you will learn a lot of interesting information about how the other gathered his/her world- view. From this information, you will understand the other person better. You do not have to agree in order to keep the interaction on an even keel. Just listen, then move on to someone that you like better. If you are willing to listen to those who "see" the world differently, you will reap many rewards, not available to those who blow up or only interact with people who are exactly like them.

Welcome to our new blog!

2006-11-20T13:02:00.000-08:00

This reminds me of starting the VAK newsletter so that lots of people could share information about NLP. At that point i was intoxicated with the potential of the NLP strategies. Since then, I've become somewhat disillusioned, or maybe I just sobered up to the fact that people change slowly.....or not at all. Actually, I have seen some miracles from learning NLP. One happened just two weeks ago, so I guess I still get tipsy now and then on the potential.

Since we have trainers and participants from all over the globe, this seems to be a simple way for us to communicate. I plan to check out the blog once a day and we'll see what turns up. If you'd like to read about miracles and NLP, go to our web site and dig around. There's an article there about three miracles at IBM, each generated by the Neuro-Linguistic skills. I've forgotten which tab it's under (the site is so big), but there's lots of interesting stuff. Research, etc.

Also you might want to view our video on Google's video site. It's listed under "Influencing with Integrity skills" It's 7 minutes and worth your time.